It's funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating.
My favorite that I remember, but had to look up... When I was younger, there was a house on my street that I thought was haunted. At night you'd hear screams coming from all over the house...plus anyone who went in, never came out. Later I found out it was just a murderers house.
Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish…and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. And fishing’s not that hard. -Ron Swanson
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I’ll go over to the person’s house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I’m gone, but you know what I’ve left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says “You.” After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
When I wake up on the wrong side of the planet and the creamer for my coffee has gone bad and the people on the streets should really can it cause I don't think they would like me when I'm mad Down at the bottom, I have a secret trick I have a thing to bring me up when I am low it's simple and it's easy and it's real quick and it went extinct two hundred million years ago Dimetrodon They ate sharks and were 10 feet long Dimetrodon it's a thought that I can count on When my darkest thoughts have got a hold on me I close my eyes and I remember all their giant teeth to shake off all the problems I've piled on I picture the sail-backed giants of Dimetrodon I am walking in a mall or in an airport and I'm filling up with loneliness and fear like I'm not really a member of this species and I don't think I am special, I'm just weird when I am feeling this, one thing will make me smile there are other folks who never quite fit in they're kinda mammals but they look like reptiles but I bet that difference never bothered them Dimetrodon They ate sharks and were 10 feet long Dimetrodon it's a thought that I can count on When my darkest thoughts have got a hold on me I close my eyes and I remember all their giant teeth to shake off all the problems I have piled on I picture the sail-backed giants of Dimetrodon be yourself count on your inner strength find your people hunt the weak Dimetrodon They ate sharks and were 10 feet long Dimetrodon it's a thought that I can count on When my darkest thoughts have got a hold on me I close my eyes and I remember all their giant teeth to shake off all the problems I have piled on I picture the sail-backed giants of Dimetrodon Dimetrodon, Dimetrodon - The Doubleclicks
Don't mess with me. I'll bring a folk guitar to a pumpkin fight...but that's just how I was raised. -Paul Blart
Sorry, just puked a little in the back of my mouth. You know...right there, where you have to swallow it.
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned down warehouse. "Oh-no", I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
I fear not the man that has practiced 10,000 kicks, but the man that has practiced 1 kick 10,000 times.
I was taught that taking a bracing swim in the morning is good for your body....God knows the fjords can be bracing.. But how can smashing ones head into 5 inch thick ice be good for you???? F
